Before I go on, I’d like to say that most women panic when they realise their spouse may be cheating on them…and they can’t be sure. So rather than telling you what to do when you start suspecting things might be happening, I’m going to list down few items that I think you should NOT do. So here we go:

1. Accusing them straight away – or try to get some kinda confession

Yes this is wrong, even though this is common sense and this is what most women seem to do when they think their husband is cheating. Why? Because a cheating husband will NOT confess; this is a waste of time, and all you’re doing is just getting him more aware that you’re watching his every move.

2. Stalking him by following him to places

It’s even worse when you start taking days off work to stalk your husband (or wife). There was a time I remember when my friend suspected her husband was cheating, she took a day off to pretty much follow him all day. She even hid behind a news stand (while pretending she was reading some magazine) to check on him. And did she find anything? No, she didn’t. In fact, he found out about her stalking him that day and made his case stronger.

3. Demanding every single password on his phone and emails (or Facebook and twitter)

This is not good. He will deny anything happens and will accuse you of not trusting him (even though we know there’s nothing to trust right now). But a seasoned cheater will not use their normal email for his activity. He probably has a second phone, or a phone he leaves at work, basically a separate contacts for his extramarital activity.

4. Threatening to file for a divorce

Divorce is not as easy as it sounds. It’s very hard, and most likely somewhere in your heart you’d rather make this thing work. You hope all these suspicions you have about him cheating on you are false, and you can be normal husband and wife again. I get that. To be honest, even IF you’ve found out he is cheating, divorce is still not an easy way out. You have so many things to consider. So don’t just threaten to file for one, because he will disregard it and later on your words become cheap – because most likely you won’t do it.

5. Trying to install some spy software on his phone or computer

First of all, he can just install another software to get rid of these things. Second of all, how do you know he’s cheating using his personal computer? Some guys are smart enough to not use a computer outside work, because he knows when he’s using his work computer he’s safe. The security department at his work place is surely going to be super tough, and your software (that’s probably made by some outsourced company judging by the price) is just not going to cut it.

Right now you want to calm down. I know it is easier to said than done, but you really need to calm down. Let the situation settle down a little and don’t jump into conclusions straight away.


P.S. I’ve written few articles that might help you catching a cheating spouse – or how to deal with him. Please check out how to catch a cheating husband in my main site cheating-spouse-alert.com.

Sally