On my way home from work, I came across an article online pretty much debating about whether or not the cheating husband is at fault, or the other woman is when it comes to extramarital affair. Apparently, women would tend to blame the other woman calling her names such as ‘home wrecker’, ‘no ethics’ etc, but is it really one person’s fault when it takes two to tango? What about the marriage itself? I mean, for the husband to go astray, there must be something wrong with his marriage. Otherwise, why would he? After all, we can no longer blame biology (as in, men loves variety of sexual partners due to their biology despite the morals in the society…yeah right!)

So first of all, let me say that if you are stuck in this affair situation – whether you are the cheating husband, the wife, or the other woman – you are ALL at fault. This is despite many would argue that the husband has a choice, and so does the other woman. Again, not so simple.

I’ve known few other women, and from their point of view, it’s not always black and white. Some cheaters are just so good at pretending their marriage is on the verge to end, and whilst giving hope to these women (who normally are lonely or gullible – sometimes plainly dumb), these men play the victim card. Not to mention, women are very emotional creature and the moment their nurturing side comes to play, they forget that these men most probably are probably causing more hurt to their significant others instead of being the victim.

So for wives out there, the moment you find out your husband is having physical (or emotional affair), don’t just put your anger and blame to the other women straight away. Have a look at your own marriage – is there any potential issue that you need to solve together with your husband?

Now don’t get me wrong, these issues are not necessarily obvious. I’ll give you an example. A friend of mine is married to a guy who seems to be nice without the character problem. But yet out of the blue, he started having an affair. Why? There’s nothing wrong with the marriage (or so she thought). Turns out my friend was pretty controlling – might be due to the fact that she earns more than him and is the breadwinner – but that’s not the point. The point is, this issue was never addressed. Worse still, he didn’t actually realise it was a problem.

Well I guess the point of all these is to really get out of this messy situation no matter who you are. If you are the other woman, get out straight away. There’s no point being a third party in a relationship no matter how much he makes you believe that you are different. Get the book Forget Mr Married and just leave his marriage alone.

If you are the husband, realise that what you’re doing is really causing pain to you, and two other women. Your situation is not going to solve itself and so, no matter how much you think you want to keep both (which is selfish), you CAN’T. And if you have to choose one, I would have to go with ‘honouring the vow you made’ and stick with your wife.

Blaming anyone is not going to get yourself out of this situation. Work through it, and though it is very hard to do, plan to forgive and start all over again. Good luck.